What I've Done
by FalsettoSlumber
Summary: Riza Hawkeye would die to protect the people she cares about, but what about when the people are dying at her very hands? Her actions are to dictate the rest of her life, but what really happened back in the Ishvalan Civil War? RizaxMustang (minor), scenes of graphic violence. Ishvalan flashbacks.


The battleground was hazy, dust clouds billowing into the sky as flashes of red and blue shot across the sky lines, jagged lines of lightning-like energy spanning for miles across. The shattering of civilian guns sounded in the distance, out of Riza's field of vision, and she clenched her eyes tightly, hands gripped about her own gun at her hip.

Blond hair falling in front of her face, she scraped it back behind her, tightening her pony tail, and moved into a crouching position, ducking slightly to stay hidden behind an overturned van. Amestris soldiers could be seen surrounding her, all ducking in a similar way to her, guns at the ready as a stream of Ishvalan citizens began to flood down the narrow ridge road that they had been ordered to guard.

As the first wave of people neared the group of soldiers – exactly seventeen, as Riza had counted in their time of waiting – they could be heard crying out, ushering each other to "hurry up" and "get the hell out of here". Riza clenched her eyes shut once more, pressing cold fingers against them, the cool skin calming her in this final moment. As she felt her body calm, a small child neared the front of the group. His sand coloured hair glinted, dusty, in the faded light, his high pitched laughs sounding out of place as he ran, clearly not understanding the situation he was on.

Feeling her heart leap, Riza frantically leapt up from her hiding place, waving at the last second to one of her colleagues.

"Stop! Stop please!" She screamed out in a last ditch attempt to prevent what was about to happen, but her yells went unheard as a screech of machine guns ripped down the road, from heavy metal monsters perched strategically behind a gauze covered lorry cage load. The bullets ripped through the material at a terrifying speed, knocking people down as if they were merely dolls as they ran to escape.

As the first lines of people fell, a fierce heat joined in the cacophony of sound and movement as one of their alchemists let loose their fire alchemy on the oncoming citizens. The roar of fire could be hear from miles away as it tore across the ridge, sand blowing up from the ground, the only thing that seemed to escape the fury of the flames. Feeling tears in her eyes, Riza pulled her own gun up, feeling its weight on her as if it fell already upon her shoulders.

Eyes pleading for forgiveness as she leapt from behind the car, she pulled the trigger reluctantly, watching as her bullets found homes in their targets almost instantly. Gradually, the screams died down, to be replaced with an eerie kind of silence that clung even to Riza's heart beat, erratic and fast paced beneath her State Military uniform. The only things that moved were the remnants of smoke that were still rising from the blood soaked ground, and the sluggish motions of the other soldiers.

The alchemist collapsed on the ground from exertion, dark hair falling in his eyes as he leaned forward, head cradled in his ashen hands. The strange symbols on his gloves were hidden beneath a thin layer of blackened debris, temporarily erasing all evidence of his unique skill.

Looking up, his eyes met Riza's, and the look of sheer emptiness frightened her as she placed her gun down onto the ground. She placed a foot out in front of her to try to reach him, but as a wave of exhaustion hit her, it was all she could do to stop herself from hurting herself as she let darkness consume her.

The last thing she saw was the turned up face of the sandy haired boy; his eyes were wide open, a look of inevitable acceptance on his face. Blood ran from the side of his ear, dripping onto the sand, but other than that, he still seemed alive as his eyes looked straight at her. Empty.

"Riza?" Mustang's voice was soft, muttering to her to wake up, and she pulled her eyes open wearily. They were sat in a dimly lit tent, a female healer scurrying around in the darkness, picking up bits and pieces of stainless steel inventory from roughly erected wooden tables.

Groaning, Riza rolled onto her side, the ache of her bones stabbing deep into her being. The tent's entrance had been tied open to let light in, but as Riza watched outside to the hell beyond, she closed her eyes once more, wishing more than anything that she was back in Amestris.

"How long have I been out, boss?" She murmured through her clenched jaw, wincing at the pain that the insignificant movement caused her. Mustang shrugged his usual shrug, smiling grimly at her through the clinical gloom.

"Long enough." She felt her face fall, remembering the scene from before as it slammed into her mental barriers, the face of the boy haunting her as she tried to shut her mind to the thought.

"I can't do this anymore, Roy. I can't." She was ashamed to hear the whimper in her voice, the frightened child that seemed to take over as she felt hot tears form. She remembered all of the victims at once, their faces filling her mind with their despair. She couldn't remember the last time she had forgotten a face. They were all there, screaming at her to stop. Stop them. Stop it all. Stop herself.

"I know." Roy's voice was solemn, final as he clenched her hand with his, his knuckles white. He had removed his gloves, and his hands were startlingly clean in comparison to the rest of his dirt stricken appearance. It seemed almost ironic, really; whilst the other soldiers were stuck getting their hands dirty, Mustang's stayed clean. On the outside, at least.

"I need to get up. I need to leave." She threw herself up from her resting position, gritting her teeth as a wave of exhausted pain rang through her body. Alarmed, Mustang threw those hands out to her, attempted to push her back onto the gurney, but she shoved him off, desperate to be out of the tent. The doctor looked up at her, her blonde hair reminded Riza of her own, a mirror image. One to heal, one to harm.

Feeling bile rising up from her stomach, she lurched outside, watching the contents of her innards landing on the ground before her. Sighing heavily, she leant a hand against the cold steel plate of the generator outside, feeling the smooth metal beneath her hand as a comfort.

She felt, more than heard, as Mustang left the tent to join her, standing beside her calmly, waiting to catch her if she fell once more. She sensed him scanning the horizon with his observing gaze, and joined him for a moment.

There were various tents and mis matched huts placed around the State Military camp; for such a high tech company, their base was mediocre at best. Things were falling apart, and the tents were filthy from the never ending desert winds. The city of Ishval could be seen about a mile off in the distance, the ever present smog of burning clouds rising up from the destroyed ruins.

Riza exhaled a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding, and thought back to Amestris longingly. Thought of her home, and her past dreams. Regretted her decision to join the forces, but then turned to Mustang, feeling a twinge of old affection jerk at her chest. No, she would never have done anything else but follow him. It was all she could do, after all. She turned back to face the distance, wondering at the suffering she herself had now caused, and inwardly began to build barriers around the memories, sealing them into iron vaults deep in her conscious.

As the pair stood outside the tent, a gaggle of voices could be heard approaching. A pair of minor soldiers were rushing to the medi-centre, carrying a body between them. As the pair moved through the entrance, Riza could see that the person they were carrying was an Ishvalan woman. An elderly woman, with long pale hair, and tanned skin. Her eyes were closed, but Riza knew that if they opened, they would reveal soft red irises beneath. The woman stirred slightly as the soldiers laid her on the gurney, and Riza watched as the blond doctor rushed to her side.

Another doctor came following swiftly behind the soldiers, pushing himself into the already over-crowded tent frantically. His hair was also blond, his stature tall and strong. He muttered words to the female doctor, who nodded, and left the tent through the back quickly.

Riza turned to Mustang, sharing a look that they both knew well. A passing soldier, a young man that Riza had come to know as quite a naïve, sometimes reckless individual watched as the doctor went to work on the Ishvalan civilian.

"Insurgents! You'll die, the pair of you! Better to let the old woman die!" He yelled across the mud streaked ground, and the male doctor looked back at him, before shaking his head, and drawing the tent's coverings closed.


End file.
